intrigueing: (tww: 20 hours in america)
My default state is to have about 5-8 plotbunnies for fanfics, usually very well fleshed-out in places and with some scenes written out in my head in painstaking detail, right down to the wording, floating around in my brain. I almost never actually write them, because I'm a lazy procrastinator, and turning my disjointed mental movie clips into fanfics written in actual goddamn words is like pulling teeth. But in moments when I'm bored or want to feel a certain way or think about a certain thing, I metaphorically pull one of them out and go over them, tinker with them, work on them all in my head. Barely ever write any of it down.

However, I've really come to the conclusion over the past few months that my procrastination wreaks havoc on my self-esteem. Whenever I succumb to it, I feel useless and small. I've just gotten so used to doing it for college papers during the past four years that it's etched into my self-perception - "lol, I'm not the type of person who can actually work on a writing project in a sustained way, and then finish it! Other people can do stuff like that, not me."

So, I think that working on actually writing my fanfics and completing them rather than letting them sit in my head gathering dust will be a really good self-esteem boosting exercise for me. And saying so to other people will give me the illusion of peer pressure, which is helpful. I felt really good about succeeding in writing and finishing that zine review/meta thingamajig in my previous post, after not posting any meta -- other than long boring analytical comments and PM exchanges -- in about a year. I haven't finished and posted a fic in about two years, so...we'll see.

Anyway, there was a thread on fandomsecrets the other night asking for fanfic plotbunnies and I contributed a less-detailed version of this list, and swore that I totally, seriously, genuinely am planning to write all of these at some point in the next...lets say 6 months. There, I said it. Now I'm much more likely to actually do it:

The West Wing, Harry Potter, Star Trek TNG and TOS, Starsky & Hutch, Doctor Who, and Frasier )

I'm detecting a distinct pattern here? I don't know what's with my thing for prequel/future/missing scene fics....


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intrigueing

August 2015

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